Thankfully, I haven't seen that commercial this back-to-school season. Yet I still have that darn song in my head, even though I replace the lyrics from "the most wonderful time of the year" to "the most difficult." I keep thinking that each year will get better. Because -- let's face it -- leaving a six-month-old for the first time and going back to work as I did with both boys is just plain heart-wrenching, no matter how much you enjoy your job.
So, why I am still so emotional?!?
I'll tell you why.
Because this little pumpkin is somehow, someway, starting preschool tomorrow.
And don't get me started about this little peanut, who now has an actual number as a grade, (even if it is only the number one).
Hold on. I have to go grab a tissue.
I remember thinking when Peanut had such horrible colic that those hard months would never end. Or when Pumpkin vomited after every nursing and had to have surgery at eight weeks that I may not live through the anxiety. I certainly won't forget the emotions those days created, but how can the days go by both so slowly yet so very quickly?!? I have a feeling that all you mommies out there know exactly what I mean.
In honor of the day that is tomorrow, I am copying this post from last summer. Because it really says all I am feeling (as long as you replace "kindergarten" with "first grade" and add in that Pumpkin is starting preschool). And if you say a little prayer for me that I won't bawl like the babies mine once were tomorrow, I promise to do the same for all of you.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
I should be used to this feeling because it has come over me every year for the past five years. But it doesn't make it any easier. The tears just keep coming. You see, I am technically two different types of mommy. In the summer, I get to experience stay-at-home mommyhood. But then, just as soon as I am really getting used to my new schedule and having my little men all to myself, -- wham! -- it's time to go back to work again.
Don't get me wrong; I love my job most days. I am aware that I am quite fortunate to be able to even have a job that offers two months off (no, we do not have three months off as urban legend would suggest!). But I miss those little boys. Desperately.
Somehow, the day before I return to work, all of the whines, temper tantrums, and messiness in the world mean nothing, and I only want to spend a few more precious days with my children...just us, playing together and relaxing on our lazy summer days, doing what we want, when we want. I realize I am not actually leaving my children; after all, I will pick them up every afternoon as per our usual school schedule. But it won't be the same. I will be preoccupied with all of the work I still have to do well beyond my "workday," Peanut will be starting kindergarten (!) and he will have his own brand new preoccupations, and Pumpkin will be read to and put down for naps by his babysitter and not his mommy.
Once I get back into the swing of things, I'll be okay. But I am never good at change, and these little boys of mine just change so darn fast. So excuse me while I relish the memories of these happy summer days that are gone way too soon with tissues in hand. I have to morph into Working Mommy tomorrow, and tissues will be a required part of the uniform for the first few days.