How I Spent My Summer Vacation - Vol. I

So, yesterday was officially my first day of summer vacation. It was filled with possibility, hope, and dreams of chasing my little men around the backyard, practicing our jumping skills, and doing "ring around the rosie" for the zillionth time, as per my pumpkin's request. Hmmm. We all know what Robert Burns wrote about "the best laid plans of mice and men," right?

Somehow, as I was chasing my second-born into the kitchen, the corner of the dining room managed to come to life and get stuck between my forth toe and my little toe. I'm not exactly sure how it happened; I just remember the screaming. And for all of you who don't already know this, most people would probably agree that I tend to be a fairly quiet person. And certainly, around my boys, I really don't want to scare them or add to their already overly dramatic repertoire of boy noises. But I screamed so much that my throat hurt almost as bad as my toe.

Fast forward through the hobbling of the next few hours until I realized that purple and green look decidedly odd against each other on a toe, and I called our local medical center. It is open late, so I usually prefer to go there instead of subjecting my children to come with me when I need to seek medical attention. I spoke to a nurse I will laughingly call "Sue" -- not because she bears any resemblance to my mother-in-law, but because when I asked if I should be seen, she said, "I can't advise you that over the phone or you could sue." Oh, okay. Well, can you tell me if I should "buddy tape" it to the next toe until I can come in? "Again, you could sue." But wouldn't the doctor just buddy tape it even if it is broken? "Ma'am, you could sue." You get the picture. When I finally did go in while the boys were eating dinner, the same nurse actually saw me. And she saw the toe. And then she actually apologized for her lack of bedside manner but still swore up and down that I could have sued her for giving me information over the phone. Irony? The woman sitting next to me in the waiting room was the most wonderful woman who just happens to be the on-call pediatric nurse at the boy's doctor's office. I thanked her (as I always do) profusely for her sweet, caring nature, and for always giving such great advice....over the phone.

Anyway, in case there was any doubt, the toe is broken. And I have had several broken toes before (as well as a run-in with my heel and a rusty lawnmower, a jelly jar that broke on my foot, and multiple fractures in my foot at Disney World that I walked on for over two weeks because my then-boyfriend's family -- who brought me along -- thought it was just a bruise), but my toe never hurt like this.

To (literally) add insult to injury, I did more damage after returning home from said medical center. Now, folks, do not try this at home. I am a professional klutz, not a mere novice like many others I know. I can perform feats with my feet that even I cannot explain. Which is why I can't tell you my secret regarding how I managed to do this; I don't even know. All I do know is that the corner of the hallway also managed to jump out at me as I was attempting to hobble upstairs to my bedroom, in the exact spot as before between the exact same toes, only this time it had been buddy taped, so there was much more resistance. Yeah. And can I also recount the two times since this happened that my darling pumpkin succeeded in first bumping my toe and then full-out stomping on it (with sneakers on)? I guess I needed another good cry.

So, with two little klutzy-by-nature boys running around, and having to actually use my feet every day (and only being able to get my foot in one pair if shoes that didn't hurt as badly as the others; for goodness sake, the sheets bother me at night when they are on my toe!), I don't foresee a quick recovery. But since you have been so patient (if I haven't lost you by now), I will allow you to see the monstrosity that is my littlest piggy. I am sure if it could, it would cry all the way home.

Whatever you do, please do not click this picture to enlarge it. I normally see my feet from more than 5' away, so I never noticed how badly I could really use a good pedicure and some foot lotion (not like that would happen any time soon, anyway!). But let this serve as a warning to all of you: watch out for those corners!